LAUNDROMAT QUANDRY

I despise laundry. As much as I say I hate Boston sports, hungover mornings and rainy Saturdays - they can't compete with laundry. I'm not even sure where laundry comes from. Pulling things out of the hamper and throwing them in the wash is a never-ending cycle of "when the hell did I wear that", "is that even mine", and "wow, that smells rank".

And, by the time I get my clean load from the laundromat (NO, I do not have a washer/dryer in my apartment, and NO i don't have the hookup for one...of course I've looked into it) and bring it back to my apartment, there's already a new pile of laundry that's formed in the old laundry's place...it's absurd. So you can imagine my mood when I finally get to the laundromat down the street with my 34 pounds of smelly t-shirts (four of which inevitably fell all over Washington St. in Hoboken because I fill up the basket too high).

What's that? You want more back story? You got it.

So there are two laundromats close to me in Hoboken, both of them are literally one and a half blocks away from my apartment. One of them (the one I go to) is a little more run down and pretty cheap . I like it because there's mid 90's Yankee memorabilia all over the walls, and the owner looks like he's never left Hoboken since his 3rd grade field trip (he's now about 50). But as the saying goes, you get what you pay for. The other one is much nicer, cleaner & newer, but also a little more expensive (it's part of a corporate chain). I say I don't go there because I don't like to support corporate greed, but really it's just because I don't want to use the three quarters I'll save at the old place.

ANYWAY, in reality the washers and dryers suck at the place I go to. The other day in my pissy mood I hit the trifecta of shotty machine-performance. The washers ate some of my quarters (DAMMIT!), the dryer I chose and loaded all of my wet clothes in was out of order, and I had to switch after putting like 8 quarters in (AHHHH!), and to top it off the damn dryer door on the one I moved too wouldn't stay closed so I had to stay there to make sure my undies wouldn't fly all over the place. I swore in that instant I would never go back.

But as I was swearing off, all I could see was the owner's sad, friendly face under his 1996 beat up ALCS Yankees cap. I walk in the door of the chain laundromat down the street, and I'm basically kicking this guy in the pants. So before I make any rash decisions, I need your help readers:

Am I supposed to stay loyal to my lousy laundromat?

AND, I LEARNED SOMETHING THIS WEEKEND

So, as Danny noted last week, Momma Earth felt like we had gotten a little too much nice weather a little too soon. Instead of letting us continue to enjoy the 80 degrees, sunny, Central Park in shorts and sunglasses weather, she kicked it back to winter mode here in New York.

The problem? I WAS ALREADY IN CENTRAL PARK SUNGLASSES MODE! I spent the better part of a full week wearing no jacket, sporting shorts, and taking full advantage of spring. And when I tried to go back to winter mode, my brain rejected it. No matter how much I wore, I was still freezing outside, or I wore the wrong shoes, or I forgot to pack my umbrella. Once I kicked it to nice weather spring mode, I was stuck there.

The best news though? Two weeks ago, enough people complained in my building for them to take insulation out of our heaters for the impending hot weather. What does that mean, you ask? I woke up every night last week FREEZING in bed, since the cold air seeps in much faster without insulation. Well, all the weather changes screwed with me, and this weekend I suffered. Sore throat, achy muscles, headaches, too hot, then too cold. Being sick SUCKS. Oh, and the whole cold medicine thing never works out for me like it does for this guy.

So, what did I learn this weekend? I learned to NEVER trust New York in the spring. From now on, I officially can't kick into spring mode until at least May. And then, I'll have a good 4 weeks of spring until it gets hotter than hell in New York.

What else did we learn? Well, for starts, 52% of you think Yes, Dan is an idiot, and you're supposed to tip the car wash dryer dudes. Though, to be fair, I'm sure most people voted that just to be able to call Dan an idiot. Either way, a win is a win - when you get your car washed at a all-inclusive shop, go ahead and tip the guys a few bucks.

We also learned that Terry, despite doing some weird things (dating Dan) is NOT an idiot. Terry, give yourself a pat on the back - most people agree that you did the right thing by not telling the gentleman who stood a biiiiiiit too close on the subway that his pants were unzipped. Better to let him show off to the world a little longer than you have to awkwardly mention his unmentionables.

Check back in tomorrow for a new topic to vote on!

FRIDAY LINKS - 3/26/10

Exactly one week ago today I was sitting in this same seat, probably wearing these same clothes, and blogging about 84 degree weather, exploring caves and wearing flip flops and stuff. Well Mother Earth didn't like that too much as she swiftly laughed in my face and sent us back to the days of 40 degree weather and ripping winds. (note to self: close the window before you go to sleep).

But I'm not phased. YOU HEAR THAT MOTHER EARTH? Ain't nobody gonna slow me down, whoa no. Not when apparently March Madness is only starting to heat up, it's Friday, and we're about to bless you with some amazing links. We get you guys (and girls) - you don't have countless hours to scour the web for the best content (if our bosses are reading - neither do we), so we do it for you. Sit back, grab a beer, and check out these links.

After all it is Friday, time to rise and fire.

1. Modern Family is quickly becoming my new favorite show. And a lot of it has to do with this guy.

2. Rumor has it, the Drunk History series is making a comeback...and they are better than ever. That link is for an older one, but when the new one is released, you'll find it here. If this is the first one you've seen, I highly suggest watching the other ones. I know you know how to search the internet yourself, we're not gonna spoon-feed you here.

3. It's great to see you!

4. I know I'm a little late on this whole chat roulette thing, but this is hysterical.

5. And of course, we couldn't leave out the cute video of the day! (p.s. I hate that f'ing kid).

Get after it.

XYZPDQ!

Well hello readers! Its a great day! The sun is shining, birds are chirping...

... OK. I can't do this. I can't B.S. you - I know you'd see right through me. So I'll just come out with it - I feel like death right now. I'm super hung over today. And to top it off, I totally passed out last night watching South Park and woke up on my couch at 8:45 am (ZOMG LATE!). Started showering, and realized I forgot to grab my towel before shower. Take it from me: drying with a hand towel is not as fun as it sounds. Leave my apartment, walked down the stairs, and realized I forgot my wallet. Had to walk back up 5 flights to get it. Ran to the subway, but totally missed the train by 5 seconds. Finally walking to work, and almost got hit by a taxi (Amjad?!?) crossing Broadway. Let's just say this has not been my day peeps...

So it should come as no surprise when I walked in late today and Danny uttered the words "get excited, its your day to write a post!" I was none too thrilled. Don't get me wrong, I love writing for all you. It reminds me how truly important and brilliant and smart and stuff I am. But today was simply not the day for me to conjure up a clever idea. I can barely function as a normal adult human, how can I entertain the world with a hilarious (aka mildly funny) post?

But suddenly, my prayers were answered. Because UBER-loyal reader Terry (I hear her boyfriend is wicked funny) was kind enough to send in her question at lunchtime today. So here it is: the triumphant return of Reader Write-In Thursday! Take it away Terry!

"So I have a bit of a quandary I’d like you guys to help me and the rest of NYC to figure out…

So one day I actually got a seat on the subway for my morning commute into NYC…I was thrilled. Anyway as I’m enjoying my ipod and my AMNY I glanced up as the train was filling in with other people and notice a guy standing right in front of me facing me—would normally think nothing of it but of course (guess he was a pretty tall guy) his crotch was right in my eye line and what do I see (no sickos) – his pant zipper completely wide open. Now I’m very awkward in these types of situations even with people I know!

So I ask you—should I have told this young professional who was maybe on his way to a job interview that he was about to expose his tighty whities to Manhattan or is it not my problem he forgot to zip?

HELP! (by the way I totally didn’t say anything…)"

Simply put - a fantastic question, the old XYZ. And you know what, I HAVE NO IDEA. Say something, and he knows you were totally checking out his junk. Plus, what if that's the latest fashion trend, and you're just not in the know? Then YOU'D be totally embarrassed. But if you don't tell him, he's likely to never realize, make a fool of himself, not get that job, and cry himself to sleep simply. Just because you were embarrassed on the subway. So here it goes people. Reader Terry asks...

Am I supposed to tell this random dude on the subway his fly is undone?

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ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP

We're not going to beat around the bush here. We're going to lay it all on the line, and we're not going to sugar coat it. Man to man, we're straight-shooters and always will be. No more Mr. Nice Guy. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. You get the idea.

Listen, Barry and I are creative guys - we know. But we also work (real jobs!), which put food on our respective tables. Long story short, we're running out of ideas for good polls. If you haven't already scoured every word on this page just looking for more hilarious tidbits, we suggest you do. You'll notice on the right there's a call out for reader E-mails (there's even a link to our E-mail address). Please use the link as it likes being clicked, it really does. We'd love to hear some of your suggestions and awkward situation and are already staring at our in-boxes, waiting patiently for the E-mail's to come pouring in. Awkward situation where you didn't know what to do this morning on your way to work? Perrrrfect - tell us about it. We're good listeners, promise.

Gracias.

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CAR WASH FREAK OUT

Before you start reading this, I have to warn you about something. For a lot of New Yorker's, this post will not make ANY sense, for to find yourself in this situation, you have to be driving a motor vehicle (preferably one with a roof). However, I know a lot of other people have been in this situation, which is why I felt compelled to write about it. Feel like reading on? Good for you!

So last weekend, my girlfriend and I (yes, yes, I know half of our readership is absolutely CRUSHED right now) were driving into Hoboken and we thought 'hey, it's a nice day, let's get the car washed.' For some reason, sunny days and car washes just seem to go together. It's not even like I always have had nice cars that needed washing - actually I NEVER had a nice car that I would even contemplate spending money on for a wash. Believe me, you don't feel too cool rollin' up to the local Soap and Suds in a '88 Mercury Tracer or a '94 Honda Civic.

However, my girlfriend has a pretty nice car, and I'm not gonna lie, washing cars is kinda fun. But Hoboken doesn't have one of those do-it-yourself car washes. The only one within driving distance is one of those places where you stay in your car and it goes through a whirlwind of flashing lights and foamy goodness. However, it's the end of the car wash which is a completely different story.

We're pulling up to the car wash, and I see a shiny new Lexus pull out of the machine. I immediately was impressed with this place's wash capabilities and couldn't wait for my turn. But as quick as you can blink your eyes, there were about 9-10 guys IMMEDIATELY wiping down the car with basically any towel-resembling item they could find. I'm not even joking when I say it took about 4 seconds for them to to dry the car - that's how many of them there were.

I freaked, and who could blame me? WHO WERE THEY? WHERE DID THE COME FROM?! It was like they hopped out of the Magic School Bus for a lesson on water absorption. I didn't know what to do. Do I get out of the car? Do I open the window? Do I say hi? Do I drive away as fast as possible? The guy in the Lexus being dried seemed like he was in complete control of the situation, but I didn't want any part of it. I swiftly pulled an illegal U-Turn and went for some very-less-stressful Italian ice (strawberry cheesecake cream ice to be exact - delicious).

Now, what IF I had stayed? Ladies and Gentlemen...I ask of you:

Am I supposed to tip the car wash dryer guys?

AND, I LEARNED SOMETHING THIS WEEKEND

So I was off work on Friday, but decided instead of sitting on my couch watching college basketball with beers from 11am - 11pm, I would go up to Boston to visit some friends. More to come on the trip later in the week - I know you're dying to know more. In the meantime, I'm a huge basketball fan, and was mulling over what time to leave so I didn't have to miss an ounce of March Madness on Friday. I was planning on leaving at like 8am to get into Boston by the time the games started, but in the end, was convinced to take a later bus with a friend of mine.

"Don't worry," he said, "we'll take the Bolt Bus, and you'll get free WiFi. That way, you'll totally be able to watch college basketball on CBS.com on your way up."

Totally genius plan, I must say, and I quickly took out my laptop and tried to start scouring the internet the MOMENT I hopped on the bus. Unfortunately, it just so happened the other 40 people on the bus did the exact same thing. And you know what happens when you pair crappy WiFi with like 40 other people trying to get as much bandwidth (no idea what bandwidth is, but I like using it when I talk about internet) as possible? The modern equivalent of dial-up internet. I was relegated to 1999!

Oh, and because of this genius idea to watch online TV on the bus, I decided not to bring any DVDs. So instead, I had to sit there and do NOTHING. Well, that's not true, I listened to music. BUT THAT'S SOOOOOO 1999!

Luckily, my dial up totally worked with me and loaded up some Am I supposed to tip that guy, and Danny was able to entertain me on my bus ride with some great links. Cute video? Check. Ryan Reynolds? Check. COLLEGE BASKETBALL? CHECK. Totally helped me get my fill until I was able to find a TV and watch the rest of the games later. Overall, just a minor fail for the afternoon.

In other news, apparently bathroom attendants are boring. How do I know that? Well, only 11 people voted... 4 of which were me, Danny, and our mothers. Thanks moms! Nonetheless, it was still an EPIC week, as this made our first tie on AmISupposedToTipThatGuy, 5-5! So there you are America - if you find yourself face-to-face with a bathroom attendant, don't ask us what to do, because we STILL have no idea. I guess I'll stick to my usual method of awkwardly washing my hands for like 2 minutes while deciding whether to dig deep in my wallet for a buck.

Peace.

FRIDAY LINKS - 3/19/10

Is this weather serious? What is it 84 degrees outside? I'm pretty sure there isn't a cloud within a 45 mile radius of the island of Manhattan - which is outrageous. You have to be on top of the Empire State Building to even see that far. If I were you I wouldn't even be reading this post because I'd be so deep in Central Park exploring castles and lakes and stuff. Barry even took the day off and is on his way to Boston (the kid's scared of traveling) - that's how nice it is outside. However, I have to hand it you...you're a die-hard fan of this blog and I respect that. And for that, your reward is some pretty fantastic links. Enjoy the weather and get the F outside!

1. We're not gonna lie to anyone out there, we're suckers for really really really cute videos here at AmISupposedToTipThatGuy. Don't judge us, just watch.

2. Mix one of my favorite actors with a show which is currently having one of it's best seasons in the past decade and you get.... comedic gold.

3. MARCH MADNESS!!! Enough Said. Bracket Busted already? Sucker!

UPDATE...we now have a 4th link for the weekend, as I felt we needed to support more March Madness on this blog. If you love college hoops, you'll love THIS!

That's enough for today....get outside!

EVERY GUY'S WORST NIGHTMARE

This past weekend, a few of us were out at a bar. Kinda nice place, but nothing to write home about (after all, I do write home a lot). After a few minutes and a few drinks, I naturally needed to use the restroom. Without getting too graphic here, I walked in, did my business, and went to the sink to wash my hands. Just then, a smiling gentleman in a white shirt, vest, and shiny shoes walked up. No, it wasn't a leprechaun...but rather the bathroom attendant who appeared.

Now, for all you female readers (helllllllo, ladies), I'm not sure if you have dealt extensively with the bathroom attendant. To tell you the truth, I have no idea what goes on in a female restroom. I was once told about a woman's bathroom at a restaurant that had a couch. To all guys (I don't even need to use a poll on this one), THAT SEEMS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. Guys bathrooms are one of the grossest and fowl places on earth. Mission: get in and get out in as quick as possible. Who would ever want to sit while in a bathroom??

Point is, I've never heard of a female bathroom attendant, but there's always a chance I'm totally wrong. But I hope not, because I know every guy knows that feeling when they first see a bathroom attendant, and I'd never wish it upon anyone else. Heart drops. Eyes don't know where to look. No idea what the protocol is with these guys.

So as I'm going up to wash my hands, the bathroom attendant hops off his chair, walks over to me, and turns on the faucet. He then picks up the soap container and says "Soap?" Ugh. So he squeezes a smidgen of soap into my hands as I wash my hands. I stop, and reach to turn the water off. "Oh, let me get that for you, sir" the attendant says, turns off the faucet, and hands me a paper towel.

As I'm drying my hands off, I look around the counter. Cologne, mints, matches, toothpicks. Sometimes if I'm feeling super-spiffy, I'll splash on cologne before I go out. But no way I'm gonna just throw random cologne on at a random bar - has anyone EVER used those colognes? Sometimes I grab a mint, but I'm more of a gum guy (I always, always chew on mints, and then bits get stuck in the back of my teeth, and I have to go that awful digging-in-my-mouth thing (1 point to me for finding a picture of Hugh Jackman reaching way back for those bits of stuck food).

Well, after that, the inevitable happened. The attendant stepped back to reveal... yes... a tip jar... and said "Have a great night, sir." To recap, he turned on the water, pushed the soap dispenser, turned off the water (as I reached for it), and handed me a paper towel. So readers, I ask you this:

Am I supposed to tip the men's bathroom attendant?

AND I, LEARNED SOMETHING THIS WEEKEND

For most New Yorker's, living with roommates is just a standard way of life. You graduate college, move to New York for that PERFECT associate job which in no way uses information you learned while getting your undergrad, and you find a couple of random roommates on Craigslist who enjoy the similar interests. If the don't have the similar interests, well that's fine, it happens - as long as they don't have a shotgun rack in their living room, or more than four, no three, no, two pets.

But living with these roommates is often harder than finding them. One night you're drinkin' beers with you supposed "new buddies" and the next thing you know you wake up on Saturday morning only to find you were to first one to pass out and your "roomies" emptied the entire contents of the refrigerator on top of you and your bed.

Well last week, along with Barry's fabulous links, we've learned how to make that roommate relationship just a little bit smoother. B Dan shared some insight into his never-before-seen private roommate life, and brought us our first room mate poll on the site.

We've all been there before, at some point in our life. You grab a cold one, make that turkey sammy and sit down to watch your favorite DVR'd show....only for your roommate to walk in 10 minutes later and demand you restart it.

RESTART?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Well, New York you hit the polls, and you hit them hard. All 18 of you voiced your opinion, and in a close vote, 44% of you said that if you are less than 12 minutes into the show, restarting is not only the polite thing to do, it's the right thing to do.

So the next time you're home "sick" on that random Tuesday watching your DRV'd Price is Right and your loser roommate walks in....restart it. For the both of you. C'mon...Drew Carey isn't half bad.

Who am I kidding? He sucks.

FRIDAY LINKS - 3/12/10

As I'm sure you noticed, we had fewer than usual posts this week. I mean, there's a reason you've been crabby, fidgety, and just plain moody all week. And we apologize for that. Fact is, I had Monday off. A little miscommunication happened between Danny and myself, and no post Monday.

Tuesday... well... we have no excuse. WE'RE SORRY, OK?? But we're back in the swing of things now, so let's get it on peeps. It's Friday now. And even though the weather is gonna suck this weekend, we've got something that is sure to cheer you up: LINKS!

1. In honor of the Oscars, check out the Academy Award Winning Movie Trailer. CATCH PHRASE! Oh, and there's also this guy, who gets really, REALLY excited when Sandra Bullock wins Best Actress. Because its SOOO hard to act like a Southern Belle.

2. Conan's been CRUSHING it with his tweets lately, and with little to do over the next few months, he announced this week Team Coco is putting on the Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour. With a tagline of "a night of music, comedy, hugging, and the occasional awkward silence," its sure to be effing hysterical. Hopefully someone tapes this and puts it onto TV (please?)

3. I can be super A.D.D. at work, so its sometimes tough to sit through some of those longer youtube clips. Then a couple days back, Dan the man sent a link my way for these 5-second videos. Unbelievably weird, but unbelievably hysterical. Here's a link to their top 20 videos ever. Put some headphones in and enjoy these short films.

4. Tiger Woods Returns! And Arnold Palmer (the drink mogul) just totally pooped himself. Not only has his tournament blown up since Tiger became a pro (Purse in 1996: $1.2M. Purse in 2009: $6M. 5x JUMP IN 14 YEARS!), but looks like Tiger has chosen this as his comeback tournament. Goodbye fried rice, hello fried chicken. Ratings for this tourney are going to be ridonkulous.

5. Weird post of the week - Historical Figures on Toast! I mean, who knew Abe Lincoln looked so tasty with a slice of bologna and American cheese? I'd totally take that down with a big ole' cup of tomato soup.

OK folks - enjoy the weekend. Stay dry, stay warm, and stay classy.

ROOMMATES 101 - THE TV SHOW STARTOVER

So last night, just like every Tuesday night, I watched LOST. Best show ever. And no, I have NO idea what's going on in the show. Am I supposed to know? No. THAT'S THE POINT PEOPLE. They're screwing with our heads. And you know what? I kinda dig it. I like being totally toyed with by these writers. Plus, Kate (not Evangeline Lilly - dirty, baby-stealing, conniving Kate) is crazy hot, so there's always that to keep me tuning in.

I always watch Lost with a small group of people. That way, when something monumental happens, we totally geek out together. Makes for a much better show when you can be super nerdy with someone, recall past episodes, and spout out random facts trying to out-prove each others Lost-fan-ness.

So we're about 10 minutes into the episode, and the first commercial break hits. In other words, the word "LOST" has just appeared on the screen, and our mind has been blown for the first time in the episode. I grab for the remote and start fast forwarding. Suddenly, we hear the door open, and my roommate walks in. Roommate is a Lost fan also, and says "Oh man, is this Lost? Can you start over?"

Now, I'm all for equal opportunity TV watching. We all pay for cable. We all should be entitled to watch TV, I'm willing to admit that. I've been scolded for not restarting a show a few times, so I won't even ask the question of if I'm supposed to do it as a whole. Obviously, to a certain point, you are expected to restart a program, and it depends on a wide range of elements. For easiness sake, I'd say there are two main factors:

First, length of the program. Restarting a 30 minute show at any point is a lot different than pushing the "Start Over" on a Lifetime Movie (ed. note: do a Google image search for "Lifetime Movie" - its HYSTERICAL. The tag lines on these movies have got to be the biggest inside joke for this network's writers).

The second factor is obviously how far into the program you are. If you're 2 minutes, you should always restart the show, obviously. 30 minutes into a show is asking a bit much of even the best of roommates.

For this example, let's say you're watching an hour long program. Here's my question people:

How far into an hour long show am I still supposed to restart the program?

AND I, LEARNED SOMETHING THIS WEEKEND

Ladies and Gentle Men, spring is in the air, and that can only mean one thing - it's time for another weekly recap. Last week was certainly an interesting time at the site. Barry and I learned that we've had people access this page from 11 different countries. Oh get over yourself, I didn't make that up. It's true, we've had readers from Spain, Israel, Germany, Singapore and the UK - just to name a few. But don't be afraid, we won't let the international fame get to our heads just yet. No, no.. fear not, for you can rest assured our loyalty to solving New Yorkers awkward situations will never waver.

So on with the recap. Along with implementing a brand new Friday links segment, which has actually received rave reviews, we did have our usual two questions in which we enlist your help to find out New York's toughest questions.

1. 20 Dollar Decision: In a relatively close vote, you, the people, chose that I did make the right choice in giving that shady, shady man his twenty dollars back. Yes, I did find it. And, yes, you're correct, I have no money. But imagine if you just dropped some cash only to find someone picked it up and won't give it back. That's an awful feeling - especially if it's anything over a Lincoln (I'm talking about a penny - not a five). Motto of the story is, if you found something that isn't yours in New York, you have to give the world 10 seconds to claim it. Otherwise, GET HOME and lock your doors for God as your witness, it's yours.

2. Coats McGoats: I was a huge fan of this post, not because of Barry's clever title choice, but because THIS SITUATION HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME. I never have any idea if or what I'm supposed to tip the coat check people. I mean, usually I'm in all the swank clubs where they take my coat at the door and return it to me at my seat, but when I dine or dance with the common folk and I get to the coat check, I'm lost. However, now I'm found. In an overwhelming vote, the world has let it be known that you should indeed tip the coat check guy a buck. Let's face it - the guy's (girl's) got a pretty crummy job. And in New York (especially in the winter), every single man, woman, and child's coat looks exactly THE SAME, so it's not a job I would want to do. Tip away New York. Tip away.

FRIDAY LINKS - 3/5/10

Very little makes me happier than a solid Friday morning. No matter now much crap I have to do on a Friday, I always just roll out of bed with a big SMILE on my face. And I know you do the same. Because no matter what happens today, no matter how much lame work comes your way, or crappy emails you get, tomorrow is the WEEKEND. Oh man, can't you just taste it?

Well, now you've got another reason to smile on Fridays. Because that's right ladies and gents, we're rolling out whole new segment here.

Danny and I spend the whole week (or just like 4 minutes a day, if you read this Kate) scouring the internet for things we like. And we really, really search out there. We go to at least 3 sites to find this craaaaaazy stuff. And now, we're passing these links onto you! Here they are, our 5 links of the week:

1. I totally forgot for a few years, but SNL is still hysterical (or maybe it just wasn't for a few years). Either way, THEY'RE BACK

2. DOGS. JUMPING. SLOW MOTION.

3. USA! USA! USA! We might have sucked it up against the Netherlands, but these supposedly unreleased white jerseys are SICK. Definitely gonna sport those when we tear it up this summer.

4. Our adorable link of the week: fatty catty video

5. And lastly, In honor of St. Patty's Day in Hoboken. Yeah, we know you've seen it, but watch again. Its pure gold. Guaranteed to make you laugh. (And don't forget the remix)

Alright all - have a safe, happy, healthy Leprechaun-filled weekend. After all, it might be a crackhead, got hold of the wrooooong stuff.

COATS MCGOATS

I hate the winter. There's always snow, slush or rain on the ground, so my shoes end up getting soaked. Only I'm never prepared for this, and it soaks through to my socks (EWWW WET SOCKS). The days are shorter, so even when I get out of work at a decent hour, its totally dark outside, which is such a buzzkill. In the summer you leave work at 6:30, and its GORGEOUS. Everyone has a big ole smile on their face, birds chirp, girls are wearing short skirts and tube tops and the world is just an overall pleasant place. Winter? Everyone is looking down (probably avoiding puddles, UGH), the only birds on the streets are those giant fat pigeonbeasts, and the wind feels like its going to RIP MY FACE OFF. Oh yes, Winter totally sucks.

But the main reason I hate the Winter: all these clothes. As I talk about a lot, I'm a Southerner. Never had to deal with these winter clothes. For instance, I have NO idea what to do with a scarf (Just have it lay around my neck? That does NOTHING. Wrap it around a few times? Always looks weird. Make some sort of knot? Only Europeans can pull that off. I could write an entire "am I supposed to" post on scarves). But worst of all - bulky Winter coats.

Coats are ridiculously annoying. For some reason, with my coat on, I'm always either sweltering hot, or terrifyingly frigid. There is no middle ground. They're so bulky I can never be fully comfortable wearing it. And my coat is a few years old, so its kiiinda falling apart a little bit. But its already March - what am I gonna do, buy a new coat? What if I somehow get ridiculously jacked over the course of this year, and the new coat I buy doesn't fit next Winter. HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN. Coats are also expensive. I can't go throwing money away on new coats, I need that for protein and tattoos and tank tops for when I get really jacked.

Winter coats are especially annoying at night when you're out. What am I supposed to do when I get to a bar? I can't just throw it on a seat - I've had friends have their coats stolen like that, and that plain sucks. I have another friend who wears his coat the whole night when out. THE WHOLE NIGHT! How am I supposed to pick up hunnies with my bulky coat on?

That leaves just one option - the dreaded coat check. A lot of places we've been going lately have a free coat check, and that's sweet. I like those places. But as I'm sure you've noticed, these places pretty much always have a tip jar out.

Here's my question peeps, and its a pretty straightforward one.

If I use a free coat-check - Am I supposed to tip that guy?

20 DOLLAR DECISION

I don't consider myself lucky by any stretch of the imagination. Winning things just usually isn't my style - unless it's beer pong games or a three point shooting contest where you can only shoot from the corner. However, I don't consider myself unlucky either, which in a way balances out the whole equation. I mean, I don't root for the Bills, I haven't been struck by lightening, and I've never broken a bone - so I can't complain.

However, somehow, the other day, I had streaks of luck and UNluck hit me at exactly the same time. Welcome to my life.

I was walking home from work at I don't know, probably the usual time of WAY TOO LATE, and I see something just fluttering across the sidewalk. Now, being from New York, this usually wouldn't get my attention as I've seen the most unimaginable things fluttering in the street/sdewalk. Rats? Yes. Hotdog? Yep. Flipbook of an extremely large woman removing her clothes? Check. However, there was snow on the ground and this object was the only thing that wasn't lost in the whiteness greyness of the snow.

You guessed it, it was a fresh, green, $20 bill. And it was mine, all mine.

Well that's what I thought.

As soon as I picked it up and inspected it, I didn't get more than 3 steps before this questionable looking dude in his 40's crawled out of the woodwork and exclaimed "THAT'S MINE, YOUNG SIR". Before I even had the chance to be impressed that I was just called a 'young sir', I found myself helpless. I mean we're on Hudson Street at 9pm -there's literally zero people around and I couldn't tell if this guy was either a wannabe hipster or homeless (they often look the same).

Do I give it to the guy and just assume he was telling the truth? Or do I just kindly proclaim - while slowly walking away: "Sorry dude, I really need a new Metrocard"? What if he was telling the truth and I was that asshole who just happened to "not see you drop it"?

And this my friends, is where the fun part of this blog happens:

Am I supposed the give this guy back his (supposed) $20?

AND, I LEARNED SOMETHING ON MONDAY

Yesterday was the slowest day I've experienced in a long while. Total case of the Mondays. My train skipped my stop on the way to work, so I had to walk extra far. I had forgotten everything I did last week, so I had to go through stupid emails just to remember how much work I had. The clocked ticked by ever... so... slowly. Work piled up, and I had to stay late. And worst of all, despite my normal cab-grabbing ability, I totally got passed by from 3 different cabs when I left work (I totally jinxed myself). Mondays SUCK.

And through it all, Danny and I forgot what carries us through our usual Monday doldrums. We forgot to post! Despite the fact that you could scroll down to the latest 2 posts and see the results yourselves, I know its much better to read our in-depth, thorough analysis. I mean, its what we're here for. That, and to waste your time with a mindless schedule of my Monday. But at least I proved my point. MONDAYS ARE BORING. Why would you read my Monday schedule?!? It was guaranteed to be really, really boring!

To make a long story short, over the course of long boring Monday, Danny and I forgot to post. And for that, we apologize. So here are the results from last week:

1. Sneeze Louise - so I hate to rub it in, but I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT. I knew I had super-fly social skillz. The question was posed of how often to say bless you when some frightful woman sneezed like a bazillion (Ed. note: 4) times on a subway. And 57% of readers totes mcgotes agreed with me - 2 bless-you's is enough. After that, they're being rude to you by doing THIS all up in your area. Kinda makes me want to get violent with someone next time they sneeze a 3rd time. But I'll settle for NOT saying bless you. Take that over-sneezer.

2. Reader write in - the case of the fallen newspapers in Union Square was finally solved last week. Have you ever been walking around New York and the wind will pick up napkins or paper and they start to go everywhere? Its super annoying. I feel all guilty for not picking it up, but I know the second I reach for it, the wind is going to pick up again and make me look like a FOOL. Well, from now on, I'm just going to call Mike, the friendly neighborhood litterer. Because a whopping 73% of readers said you should for sure turn around and pick up what you knocked over. Mike, maybe you could learn a little from this guy or this guy.

Tune in tomorrow morning for the next poll from Dan the man. And watch out for a new segment starting this Friday. I know you're SUPER EXCITED!