BIG NEWS PEOPLE!

Oh hey readers...

THAT'S RIGHT! We're baaaaaack! Sorry for the slight delay in postings... Danny and I were in tough negotiations all summer for the book deal rights to this website. Publishing companies just fighting left and right over us. In the end though, none of them could meet our strict demands, and the deals fell through...

OK... I can't lie anymore. What actually happened was Danny boy and I had a good ole' fashioned summer break. Just laying around all day, sandy beaches, required reading, and slip n slides. But in the end, we just couldn't stay away from our dreams of professional blogging and awkward social situation analyzing (sounds super professional, right? You bet your sweet ass it is). Plus, reader Dave wrote in a few months ago and I promised I'd answer it or something. So, without further adieu:

"So I was going to dinner with my cousin for her bday, she was coming into the city (from Jersey) and wanted to go to a nice but not expensive place. I asked around, looked up a few places, and got a list together of places we could go.

She texted me back a few minutes later. My cousin went with none of my suggestions... she just picked her own place. Which is really annoying because then why are you asking me for suggestions?? I mean, if you're gonna just do the research yourself, then don't ask me!

I expect a 1/2 page blog on this rant by end of tomorrow from you."

First thing's first... reader Dave is a needy bitch. END OF DAY TOMORROW?? I've got work to do buddy! And by work, I mean scour the internet for cute animal links. Regardless though, I waited like 4 months to write this simply because you sounded like my 9th grade English teacher.

Now onto my rant. I'm gonna be honest with you Dave... I got no problem with what your cousin did. Honestly, no problem at all. You know why? Because picking where you and a group are going to eat dinner is the single hardest decision you will ever make. Think about when you have a group of like 10 people going to a birthday dinner... its absolute HELL. Really, the whole process is terrible... even after you pick a place, someone shows up late, and then restaurant has to scoot two tables together, so you're blocking the aisle and the waiters have to work around you, and when the check comes there's always that one person who doesn't want to split the bill because they got a water, not a diet coke.

But back to the matter at hand. Even when I'm picking a place to eat with just a few friends, the decision of where to eat is agonizing. One person inevitably always suggests Mexican, but another person had Mexican last night. One person votes for something different like Indian food, but someone else doesn't like curry. THEN JUST ORDER TIKKA MASALA (Let' be real here... who doesn't order Tikka Masala?) And then you end up ordering Chinese food, and I get beef and broccoli and it never ends up being very good. And then my night is ruined.

Plus, there's like A BILLION good restaurants in NYC... how can you even decide?? Know where I grew up? Memphis, TN. Know how many good restaurants there are in Memphis, TN? Five. A famous BBQ joint , a less-known BBQ joint, an Italian place, a steakhouse and a Chili's. Yeah, you know things are bad when Chili's qualifies as a top-5 establishment. But in NYC? Every block there's a 5-star restaurant or a really underrated hole-in-the-wall place with the best something in the city. I have NO idea how so many places stay in business. But with literally 10 options for every cuisine you can imagine, it's a miracle I'm ever able to decide where to just sit down and eat.

So Dave, I'm actually OK with your cousin taking her sweet little time to decide where she wants to eat. I don't care if she asks for you and every one of her friends' opinion, looks through menus of every restaurant in NYC, wavers back and forth between like 15 places, and ultimately makes up her own mind for her birthday dinner. Unless she decides on Chinese food. Then I'm totally vetoing.