But I had to warn everyone - do NOT mess with me this week. In my opinion, this is the worst week ever, simply because I can't have ANY of my favorite foods. Wanna know why? Not to go all historical on your asses, but basically some stupid Pharaoh tried to rush the Jews out of Egypt, and they had to make bread really quickly. And it turned out, well, not so well. And now, 3,000 years later, here's what I'm left to eat:
Any type of breadPita PocketsWrapsCerealChipsPastaRiceCookies- Salad
Oh, and since wheat products are generally used in the fermenting process, lets go ahead and cross off beer, vodka, gin, rum, scotch, bourbon, and, well, anything else that gets you drunk and tastes good. In other words, I'm totally OK to drink Manischewitz Wine and Potato Vodka. Ever had potato vodka? IT TASTES LIKE DEATH.
So if you see me crabby in the morning, its because I can't have my bagel, or toast, or a muffin, or cereal, or granola (grains) or yogurt (corn syrup). All I can have is matzo and fruit.
And if you see me crabby in the afternoon, its because I can't have a sandwich, or a wrap, or a panini, or street meat, or pretzels, or chips (most chips are fried in corn oil). All I can have is matzo and (some) deli meats.
And if you see me crabby at night, its because I can't have pasta, or sushi, or a burger (bun), or a burrito (flour tortilla), or wings, or even cookies. All I can have it matzo and plain chicken.
And if you see me crabby this weekend, its because I can't drink my face off. Instead, I have to sip on kosher wine and pound shots of potato juice.
Hope you're enjoying your week as much as I am.
I think if my Jewish ancestors were here today they would want me to commemorate their lack of bread by having bread at every meal. I say mandatory bread at every meal during Passover.
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